Toddler Life Is Crazy!
A regular urine diaper change can be done in 30 seconds flat. A bowel movement diaper change can be done in 60 seconds flat. A toddler urine diaper change? You’re looking at 5-10 minutes. A toddler bowel movement diaper change? 10 minutes minimum. And don’t let there be a need for a change of clothes due to an accident or leakage, because now you’re looking at another 5-10 minutes on top of that. Not to mention that if you don’t have everything organized, accessible, and ready to go you will be in even more trouble and looking at a 20 minute job, easily. The amount of wrestling, wrangling, chasing, distracting, acting, dancing, singing, playing, soothing, big emotions on both ends, and energy in general that goes into changing a toddler’s diaper, will wear anyone out. Gentle parent or not! Experienced parent or not! None of that matters because their mood, how hungry or tired they are, and whatever may or may not be going on is what dictates how the diaper change will go and how long it will take. No matter what, a toddler diaper change is an experience every single time.
With all of the highs and lows that are toddlerhood it’s super easy to find yourself feeling overwhelmed during this stage of your child’s life. But fret not because that’s just what it is, a stage. This means that one day soon they will be out of it and will have grown past it. All you have to do is buckle in and hang on for dear life! You do get to enjoy the ride sometimes too. It’s not all bad!
Know That You’re Not Alone: The Toddler Stage is Tough For Sure!
Toddlers have frequent tantrums due to their developing emotional control and difficulty communicating their needs clearly because of their limited vocabulary. For us this means that my 22 month old cries constantly. If she drops something, she cries. When she gets frustrated that she can’t figure something out, she cries. If I don’t give her what she asks for fast enough, she cries. If I tell her to wait, she cries. If something falls, she cries. If she has to share with her baby sister, she cries. If I leave, she cries. If she is told the word no, she cries. If she throws something and can’t get it back herself, she cries. If she takes something off and can’t put it back on, she cries. She cries when she’s hungry, cries when she’s tired, cries when she’s sad, cries when she’s mad. There’s just a lot of crying going on in our home right now! But the important thing is to remember that this is normal for her age and most importantly, she can’t really help it. She still has a bunch to learn about emotional regulation, identifying big feelings, communicating her needs, and so on and so forth. This can definitely be overwhelming for the both of us at times.
Toddlers can have inconsistent sleep patterns and sometimes they struggle with falling asleep. If nap time and bedtime are taking 1-2 hours, that’s exhausting! They can also be picky eaters, which can be time and energy consuming. Racking your brain for what to make them to eat that covers some or all of the food groups and is not filled with preservatives and all of the other junk out there, taking the time to make it, sitting them down to eat it, all to have them throw it on the floor or mash it up and play with it or refuse to even touch it can be super frustrating. Another aspect that makes the toddler stage tough is the fact that they are explorative and want to explore and learn their environment. This means that you have to constantly be supervising them because at this stage they are quite literally a walking safety hazard to themselves and sometimes even the people and things around them! Chasing a toddler around all day is exhausting and can be draining.
Feelings of frustration, exhaustion, or guilt on your end are very normal every mom struggles sometimes. You might have a moment where you lose it because frustration gets the best of you and then you feel terrible afterwards and apologize to your baby. You can feel guilty for needing a break and allowing more screen time than you would like or guilty for needing help. There are moments where you wonder how in the world you are going to make it through the exhaustion, or moments where you are just too drained to even move or think straight. Yes, toddlerhood is tough, but so are you.
Your Toddler’s Behavior is Normal (Even the Chaos!)
The prefrontal cortex is responsible for executive functions like planning and impulse control, and this is still developing in toddlers. That’s what impacts their ability to regulate emotions effectively which means that they are learning to recognize, understand, and manage their feelings. A huge part of this emotional regulation learning process happens through co-regulation with us, their caregivers. They rely heavily on us to help them calm down and manage big feelings through soothing techniques, verbal reassurance, and physical contact. We have to think of it as ‘sharing our calm’ with them, which can be extremely difficult at times. It can be hard to keep calm during a tantrum, especially if your toddler is being aggressive, hurtful, or unsafe. However for their sake, and our own, we have to try our darn hardest to keep calm during negative behaviors. A lot of what we refer to as ‘negative behaviors’ are really just a toddler trying to navigate emotions, assert independence, and develop problem solving skills. Dealing with difficult behaviors like tantrums, clinginess, curiosity, and destructiveness can really take a toll on a Mom and leave you feeling guilty, helpless, or inadequate. You have to try your hardest to remember that these behaviors are absolutely not a reflection of your parenting, but actually a part of your child’s growth, and you’re doing so much better than you give yourself credit for.
Practical Tips to Make the Toddler Years Easier
- Stay Calm in the Chaos:
- Practice deep breathing or mindfulness during tantrums.
- Focus on modeling calm behavior.
- Set Clear Boundaries:
- Use simple, consistent language for rules.
- Example: “We use gentle hands” instead of “Don’t hit.”
- Embrace Connection Over Perfection:
- Prioritize connection during challenging moments (eye contact, cuddles, active listening).
- Celebrate small wins—your toddler doesn’t need perfection, just your love.
- Pick Your Battles:
- Focus on safety and well-being, and let go of the little things.
- Example: If they want mismatched socks, let them!
- Celebrate the unique and magical moments of Toddlerhood:
- Witnessing their developmental milestones.
- Enjoying their simple pleasures.
- Observing their unique sense of wonder.
- Being amazed by their ability to learn new skills like walking and talking
- Seeing them master tasks like putting on shoes or helping with chores.
- Let your mood be shifted to joy through their genuine excitement and their contagious laughter.
- Watching them form their first sentences.
- Laughing at their hilarious observations.
- Being motivated by their endless curiosity.
- Embracing their unfiltered love and affection.
- Carve out time for self-care
- Incorporate small, manageable practices into daily routines to maintain physical and mental well-being, like exercise, meditation, or a simple walk.
- Prioritize sleep, proper nutrition, and mindful moments throughout the day.
You Are the Perfect Mom for Your Toddler and You’ve Got This!
Although the toddler stage is challenging, it’s also fleeting and full of opportunities to grow as a parent. You will make mistakes and that’s okay! Parenting is a learning process for everyone. We have to focus on the positives and create memories that they’ll cherish forever. Your love, care, and presence are what your toddler needs most. The toddler years are messy, magical, and worth every moment—and so are you! I would love to hear some of your toddler stories and crazy toddler moments you’ve survived in the comments!
Remember: “You are doing your best, and that is enough.”
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