Having a Toddler is a lot of work. They are a walking hazard to themselves and you are in a constant tug of war just to be able to keep them alive, safe, well, and meet their basic needs. Having an infant is also very taxing. The constant feeding, changing, soothing, burping, comforting, rapid changes they’re continuously going through, and the major sleep deprivation you experience can leave you reeling. Having a toddler and an infant is extremely demanding. Having a Toddler and an infant as a single mother???? That’s just nuts. And that is literally what it feels like, nuts! 2 under 2 is a challenge no matter how you look at it, but to go at it alone as a single mother is a different level of challenging to say the least.
Although it may be twice the love, twice the cuddles, double the kisses, and exponentially more of the amount of magically unforgettable moments, it’s also, double the work, twice the amount of fires to put out, and exponentially more of the amount of needs to be met. It is truly, at minimum, a two person job. Doing it alone is so incredibly difficult and at times overwhelming. It’s hard to be in two places at once and even though this season is temporary, it’s a long and hard journey for sure. They won’t be this small forever and you won’t be this tired forever, thank goodness! Sometimes you get caught up in the stress of it all and you forget that this will all be over sooner rather than later, and you will miss having them as babies one day, as hard as that may be to believe. With 2 under 2 it’s easy to go into survival mode and be hyper focused on just making it through, but as they say, we must stop and smell the roses, or else it’ll slip right through our fingers and just pass us on by without us every having got to really enjoy it and relish in those moments that really do keep us going.
Becoming a Single Mother of 2 Under 2
Growing up in a huge blended family, I have always wanted to be a mother and have a family of my own. I wanted to get married and become a mom very much. I never wanted to be a single mother though, let alone a single mother of two kids under the age of two!? You couldn’t have paid me to believe that this would be me. It is the absolute most difficult, complicated, demanding, fast paced, physically exhausting, emotionally taxing, and financially draining job I have ever had in my entire life hands down, no questions asked. I have been sleep deprived for so long I can’t even remember what it feels like to lounge around, not be needed, and sleep in. I have never been so busy, ever. I can’t believe I ever even thought that I was actually busy, or overwhelmed, or stressed, or even tired before I had kids. I literally had no true idea of what those things even were! How silly and naive was I!? I look back at that time now and just laugh at my cluelessness!
One Of The Many Joys
However, I must say that there is no feeling quite like knowing that you’ve provided each of your children with a built-in bestie and guaranteed playmate and partner in crime for life, because they are so close in age. Watching them play together, grow together, and love and enjoy each other is the most fulfilling feeling any mother could ever feel, whether your kids are close in age or not. There is no greater joy than seeing your toddler care for, protect, or help your infant or make them laugh so hard that you can barely tell if they’re laughing or crying. Its heart melting and quite hilarious. When my toddler kisses or hugs or watches me loving on her sister and then turns around and does those same exact things to her baby sister I just eat it right up! Like first of all I can’t believe you just took that in and learned my behaviors that fast you little sponge, and secondly, how freaking cute are you going to be??? Like I just can’t take it sometimes, it’s just too cute!
Mom Guilt
On a less positive note though, one thing every mom faces is mom guilt. As if we don’t already have a million and one reasons to feel guilty as a mom, being a single mom creates even more opportunities for moms to feel guilty. One of these especially opportunities for mom guilt as a single mom of 2 under 2 is the fact that you just can’t be in two places at once and just can’t split yourself in two and meet everyone’s needs when they both need you in very different or similar ways at the same exact time. And of course their times of needing you are always magically syncing up and happening at the same exact time every single time. Well not really every single time but it sure does feel like it.
Another special opportunity for mom guilt as a single mom of 2 under 2 is the fact that you just couldn’t provide your precious babies with a 2 parent household and a wholesome happy family. But the 3 or more of you, if you also have any older children, can be a wholesome happy family. Sometimes a happy and wholesome family is just a Mama and her kids, and girl that is absolutely okay! The number one most important thing is for your children to see you happy. That is hands down a nonnegotiable! Of course you should allow them to see you sad, see you have hard days, or see you experience negative emotions, but their development, childhood, and life trajectory depend on your mental health, general well being, and overall happiness. Mom’s mental health is the most important thing for children and if ‘keeping the family together’ was interfering with or jeopardizing that then let me be the one to say, I’m glad that’s over baby! Gone are the days when we had to ‘stay for the kids’ or endure madness for the sake of appearance, or that we are too afraid to face heartbreak and single motherhood just to be able to prove a point, or that you are bound to a person because you share children. No Ma’am! Not around here! I will take my joy, peace, and loving kindness somewhere else please and thank you! Like can I have a large NOT ME and a side order of GET OUT OF HERE!? Thanks, and I don’t need a receipt either!
Tandem Nursing
Honestly, if you are a nursing mom one of the pros of having 2 under 2 is that you can tandem nurse. I have had to nurse both girls simultaneously a countless number of times.. I’ve had to do it at night when they wake each other up since they are both still sleeping in my bedroom, during the day when they were both crying and needed comforting at the same time, right before nap time to settle them down, first thing in the morning when they wake up for the day at the same time. It’s hard to accomplish logistically but we figured it out and have grown closer each time because of it. I have two Mama’s Girls because of it! Since my toddler is now 20 months and has 8 teeth I’ve had to wean her off, but she still cannot see me with my shirt off or lifted up! Many times when she is upset from being overtired, hungry, or just having a moment, she will ask to be nursed with no shame in her game, as she should!
Solo Parenting
No one truly understands how hard having for 2 under 2 as a single mom can be. The only other group of people that can kind of come close to relating to some of our daily struggles is the group of moms that are not single parents but, due to their lifestyle and circumstances, have to do a lot of solo parenting. Solo parenting can often feel like single parenting and the two can have a lot in common. When your spouse or partner is out all day working, or sometimes gone for days on end on business, or the unfortunate dynamic of living like a single parent while you are actually married or in a relationship. However, despite your partner or spouse’s lack of care, or inability or unwillingness to contribute to childrearing, a major difference is that these women are raising their children with the presence of the other parent in the household, while single moms are not. They are the only parental presence in the household living with the children, whether they have a healthy co-parenting relationship or not, only they live with the kids, while their father lives elsewhere.
Tips and Advice
Having 2 under 2 as a single mom comes with so many unique challenges and struggles, but the saving grace is that there are ways to manage and some adjustments you can make in order to get it to work and start thriving in your motherhood instead of just merely surviving it. Here is a guide put together especially for single moms of 2 under 2 by a single mom of 2 under two. This ebook is jam packed with a bunch of useful and practical suggestions on how to make life easier for you and your precious babies. Hopefully the tools and gadgets listed in here, the perspectives and ideas mentioned, and the examples given all work to serve you as needed. I hope that you can find at least one thing in these digital pages that can help you or make a thing or two easier or better for yourself and your kids. Happy Momming!
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